I woke up this morning feeling refreshed (for the first time in a while). I opened up my new journal to a verse that stopped me in my tracks. I was feeling dry, I was feeling empty, I wasn’t feeling much of anything. I was having the “dry bones” syndrome like a previous blog I wrote, and it was my fault. There are times in my life where the distance between God and I grows so deep that I feel weird approaching Him again. It’s like an old friend that you were once so close to you would tell them anything, and then one day goes by, then two, and then well, it’s just awkward. I was feeling that, yet reminding myself that it’s not how God works. He never went anywhere, I did. He doesn’t change EVEN when we grow distant or make mistakes. His love is unconditional and isn’t based on how good we’re doing at this whole thing. So I reminded myself of those things and forged ahead, building back the intimacy I had lost little by little, one prayer here, one prayer there, a short quiet time and then started feeling like my old self, in relationship with my only real source of life.
As you know, I’ve always loved working. During my more distant times this summer (this morning), I asked my husband if I should start looking for a new, exciting job in the fall. And he replied, “What about your book?” Probably about two years ago, I felt God tell me in multiple ways that He wanted me to write a book about our baby journey. I thought it was crazy because writing a book to me was up there on the top 10 things I never, ever want to do list. But, He kept affirming it over and over. I began praying about it, over and over. Waiting on next steps, praying again. Losing my nerve, praying again. The problem with me and writing is that I can ONLY write when I feel close to God, when I feel like He’s writing through me, and well, just like every other human, I’m prone to wander, prone to leave this God I love.
I recently read this book called, “Draw the Circle” and it was literally life-changing. The whole book is about the power of prayer, and how prayer is our connection to God. I also recently read that prayer is like the initiating factor for our full armor of God, prayer is like the engine that starts it all up and gets us ready for the fight. We have nothing without prayer because what kind of relationship would you have with your spouse if you never talked to them? So with that said, there was a chapter towards the end that simply said, Stop Praying.
Delayed obedience. The point of it all is that at some point, prayer can become delayed obedience to something God has clearly called you to. How many times have we felt that tug on our heart to do something, and decided we just need to pray about it more. We’re like, yes, I felt it, but I mean, I should probably pray about it for like three more years before I actually take that leap of faith (just me?). We hear that faint whisper to speak to someone, to call them, to forgive, to act, and we start thinking of our to-do list and grocery items, so we push it aside. I do it ALL of the time. But, delayed obedience might as well be the same as disobedience. And what kills me is that I KNOW the pure joy in choosing to be obedient to Him. I know how amazing it actually feels to deny those rationalities we come up with and just DO what He asks. I’ve seen the outcome, I’ve seen how much better His plan is than my own, yet over and over again I choose not do it.
It’s never the easy choice. Is anything good in life ever that easy to obtain? In my life, no. The selfish choice is usually the easiest, and then also in return the most disappointing. We all have a very, very self-serving nature. Heck, we live in a time where self-help books are one of the largest aisles in a bookstore. Our world tells us to do what makes us happy, do what feels right. Our culture tells you to do you, boo (which I actually say all the time bc it’s funny). Our culture tells us to watch out for Numero Uno. But Scripture says the opposite. Scripture says to deny yourself, put others first, serve others before yourself and go last. It’s NEVER easy, especially for me because I’m feisty, prideful, and selfish but it’s ALWAYS the most rewarding way to live, and brings so much more joy than being “right” or doing what we feel like doing all of the time.
Stop praying and just DO. Prayer is HUGE. I believe in prayer as a source of life. I believe it when one of our pastors said prayer is like oxygen to our souls. BUT, I also believe that there comes a point when we need to stop praying and start doing. Stop praying about it and fill out the application. Stop praying and quit that job He told you to quit long ago. Stop praying and speak to your neighbor or ask them to get a coffee with you. Stop praying and call that person that hurt you. Stop praying and ask her out. I’ve learned as I get older that obedience to what He’s calling you to is one of the greatest joys in life, and I’ve done a lot of super fun things
Don’t second guess yourself. I do that too. Was that actually God or was it me? Is this the right thing, I mean I think it is, but ehhh, is it? Well, sometimes we over-complicate things. Does it honor God? Do it. Does it dishonor God, then it’s probably your feelings and not God telling you to do it (and might ruin your life – yikes). If it brings glory to God, step out of your comfort zone and just do it. I promise you won’t regret it.
“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19